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But Jeannette E. Nott disagrees. She said via Facebook, ?I do believe that a person has one true soul mate. For me, it took 60 years, but it happened.?
Pressure is real
Still, there?s plenty of societal-based pressure to go around when it comes to romantic love, Harman said.
Contrary to what many people believe, men tend to fall in love faster and fall out of love faster. Harman said it is a fallacy that men aren?t as emotional when it comes to love, but society doesn?t always offer them the support they need to weather the relationship storm. ?Women are socialized to express caring. Men find it more appropriate to express anger,? she said. That leaves men with little room for grieving relationships that don?t work out.
And for those who believe that romantic love equates happiness, Harman offers a cautionary tale.
She said, ?If you are not happy before being married or entering into a relationship, you?re more likely to be unhappy in a marriage.? The professor suggested that a quality relationship should be the goal, not necessarily marriage or parenthood.
Love on the Internet
Making a connection via social media can be an effective route at the beginning of a relationship, Harman said, but with some caveats. Meeting via the Internet can be a positive experience because people are usually more honest and open in their written communications, she said. ?We have been presented success stories of Internet relationships. People are busy. With the Internet, they can expand the number of people they can meet.?
Still, Harman stressed it is essential that those who hope to pursue romantic relationships meet in person to see if physical compatibility actually exists.
Chemistry is real
Speaking of science, even the ?chemistry? that couples feel toward each other is based in physiology. That initial sense of euphoria, racing heart, warmth and sense of anticipation is a natural, physical reaction to sexual attraction. Chocolate can elicit some of those same physiological responses in a body, too, which is likely one reason the candy has become so popularly associated with romance and Valentine?s Day.
Harman said that initial euphoria of a new relationship usually lasts about three months. She said a truer romantic love is a relationship based on trust and commitment and communication. Still, sustaining that romance can mean work. The media, including books, magazines and movies, focus on new love, but there aren?t a lot of cues about what to do once a relationship has formed.
Consider whether you are choosing the right partner, Harman suggested. To maintain relationships, she says making the other person in the relationship feel special is essential.
But everyday actions, not necessary the grand gestures associated with Valentine?s Day, are most important. Keeping things positive rather than dwelling on the negative is effective. She added, ?It takes five or six positive gestures to make up for one negative comment or action.?
Article source: http://www.coloradoan.com/article/20120213/NEWS01/120213001
Source: http://the-hand.fut-the-wuck.com/2012/02/csu-professors-research-demystifies-relationships/
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